Really need to catch up...
So, it's late at night and I'm having a problem with getting sleep lately. Could be the fact I don't have school and I've become lazy... I don't know.
I'm going to whine about how life is not fair, even though it it perfectly fair to me despite that it made my mind a little sociopathic when I was born, which completely screwed up my childhood, and has thus landed me in a state of despair and self-inflicted family issues. Anyway, my Thanksgiving was ruined by my friend leaving at the last minute and not having... whatever it's called... Thanksgiving meal with us. And earlier today (yesterday, actually) my other friend wasn't home for some reason, but she promised she would be available, and I wanted to see that James Bond movie Quantum of Solace (that sounds hawt). And we haven't made pumpkin pie yet, which my mom promised she would do the day before yesterday, and then yesterday.
I keep getting the feeling that people just don't care about me. Not that I really care because I'm a hardened, tough, antisocial individual, but it gets annoying when people just don't keep their word.
Lolz, hipocrisy. I am the master of it.
Well, as I'm pondering in my endless insomnia, I have come to the conclusion that life is pointless. Zomg, someone thought of that before me?! Who knew! You see, I can't help but to think that there is no reason or point to life, except for what people give it. Existentialism, kind of. There is no actual meaning to, like, anything. If I walked up to a random girl and said "Fuck you, bitch" in the plainest tone, she'd probably get pissed. If I did that to a random girl who didn't understand English, she'd probably smile and try to ask what I said. Like that, it only had the meaning people give it. So, I could totally go nuke the whole world, and why would it matter? It wouldn't mean anything because there's no one left to care! There's no fun in that, though. Always leave some survivors to tell the tale. :>
In school my literature teacher has made me read... things... strange things... That's why I'm thinking about this. She is scaring me a bit. My school suddenly thinks I'm a psychopathic, human-hating freak just because I don't randomly talk in class, do drugs, and fuck people all the time...? So, that's my little theory for why my literature teacher is making me read all these stories about crazies. They're probably trying to point out that I'm heading on my way to becoming a Nolan!Jokerette, which my half-wit sister has already mentioned. I find that I'm the only sane person in my whole school. No... I find that I'm the only sane person in the whole universe. If I ever do anything that may seem a little unusual, I always think before doing it. Just to see the effect. It's like the world is my little plaything.
I have a date with my pillow. Good night.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Hello, World
Hi, I'm Roar. Well, not really, but I'd rather go by Roar, so I won't end up ruining my career with this blog. Anyway, I just realized that I am incapable of introducing myself to the internetz. It's hard to introduce yourself when you don't even know yourself. I'll try anyway.
I'm 16. White female. Of mainly Scottish, British, German, some other stuff, and Native American descent. Not sure. I've got dark brown eyes and hair. I live in Texas. I like sports, especially rock climbing, caving (is that a sport?), skiing, and martial arts. I've been wanting to try freerunning for a while now. I go to an advanced academic private school. Also, I like to think of myself as "nonsexual." Well, now you know!
By "nonsexual" I don't mean I'm androgynous... Lawl... I've just found that I'm not that interested. I'm not really interested in either sex, even though I find both attractive. Possibly I'm just a confused/abstaining bisexual, roffle. And now I must RANT. What the hell is with teens today? All they think about is drama and sex. Always drama and sex. Why? I don't know, I've never really been drawn to either as a teenager myself, unless I deem it lulzy. Maybe that's because I've already had enough of it, back when I was far too young, which was a total mistake, but I guess it turned out to be good in the long run.
I swear, it must be for attention, or the fact that people today are totally ignorant. Probably both. I can't even grasp in my mind how people do it. I try to avoid drama, but it's good at catching up to me. Like, when I went to summer camp, a guy had a crush (aww, how cute) on my friend, who refused him by saying that I liked him, which I didn't. And then another guy liked me, but he was too afraid to tell me (I iz intimidating), and I managed to keep it at a friendship level. It was torture. Maybe I'm just incapable of understanding the true concept of love. Hehehe.
Something more interesting... Well, I'm a big fan of anything that involves fear. I love watching horror, that show where they set people up and scare the shit out of them, and shows on ghosts (I can't help but to laugh at the "investigators" soiling themselves). Watching ghost shows has gotten me interested in the supernatural, which I don't believe in despite all the freakish stuff that I've seen, but I'm open-minded. Apparently spirits use energy to affect the living world, which investigators can sense by a change of temperature. They can't make their own energy, so they basically suck the energy out of things around them, and then redirect that energy to do whatever (move something, touch someone, make a noise, etc). If this "spirit world" with ghosts and demons and st00f is real, then living people should be able to do stuff like this, too, with even more effect/power (I mean without physically doing it). Why more effect/power? Because, spirits are said to be able to steal energy from living people, meaning that living people should be able to use their own energy as well as the energy around them. This is one reason I doubt ghosts are real, unless people don't realize they're able to do this. Maybe I'm just looking too far into this.
On another not-so interesting topic, I was reading something a couple of days ago for school. I don't really know what it was. It said something about Agni, the Hindu god of fire, and then something else about Tejas, something else to do with fire, I guess. So now I'm wondering where the name for Texas came from. In elementary school we were told that Texas was the English-ized word for friend in Spanish, which is "tejas," or maybe it's not. I don't know Spanish that well... But, maybe it's really named after this other word I read about (same letters, different meaning), which means fire whatever. Which fits better for Texas, the word meaning friend(ship?) or the word meaning fire (or closely meaning it), which the state is really all about... Hot spicy food, hot sun all the time--you get what I'm saying? I'm confuzzled.
I'm done wasting your life now.
Bye.
I'm 16. White female. Of mainly Scottish, British, German, some other stuff, and Native American descent. Not sure. I've got dark brown eyes and hair. I live in Texas. I like sports, especially rock climbing, caving (is that a sport?), skiing, and martial arts. I've been wanting to try freerunning for a while now. I go to an advanced academic private school. Also, I like to think of myself as "nonsexual." Well, now you know!
By "nonsexual" I don't mean I'm androgynous... Lawl... I've just found that I'm not that interested. I'm not really interested in either sex, even though I find both attractive. Possibly I'm just a confused/abstaining bisexual, roffle. And now I must RANT. What the hell is with teens today? All they think about is drama and sex. Always drama and sex. Why? I don't know, I've never really been drawn to either as a teenager myself, unless I deem it lulzy. Maybe that's because I've already had enough of it, back when I was far too young, which was a total mistake, but I guess it turned out to be good in the long run.
I swear, it must be for attention, or the fact that people today are totally ignorant. Probably both. I can't even grasp in my mind how people do it. I try to avoid drama, but it's good at catching up to me. Like, when I went to summer camp, a guy had a crush (aww, how cute) on my friend, who refused him by saying that I liked him, which I didn't. And then another guy liked me, but he was too afraid to tell me (I iz intimidating), and I managed to keep it at a friendship level. It was torture. Maybe I'm just incapable of understanding the true concept of love. Hehehe.
Something more interesting... Well, I'm a big fan of anything that involves fear. I love watching horror, that show where they set people up and scare the shit out of them, and shows on ghosts (I can't help but to laugh at the "investigators" soiling themselves). Watching ghost shows has gotten me interested in the supernatural, which I don't believe in despite all the freakish stuff that I've seen, but I'm open-minded. Apparently spirits use energy to affect the living world, which investigators can sense by a change of temperature. They can't make their own energy, so they basically suck the energy out of things around them, and then redirect that energy to do whatever (move something, touch someone, make a noise, etc). If this "spirit world" with ghosts and demons and st00f is real, then living people should be able to do stuff like this, too, with even more effect/power (I mean without physically doing it). Why more effect/power? Because, spirits are said to be able to steal energy from living people, meaning that living people should be able to use their own energy as well as the energy around them. This is one reason I doubt ghosts are real, unless people don't realize they're able to do this. Maybe I'm just looking too far into this.
On another not-so interesting topic, I was reading something a couple of days ago for school. I don't really know what it was. It said something about Agni, the Hindu god of fire, and then something else about Tejas, something else to do with fire, I guess. So now I'm wondering where the name for Texas came from. In elementary school we were told that Texas was the English-ized word for friend in Spanish, which is "tejas," or maybe it's not. I don't know Spanish that well... But, maybe it's really named after this other word I read about (same letters, different meaning), which means fire whatever. Which fits better for Texas, the word meaning friend(ship?) or the word meaning fire (or closely meaning it), which the state is really all about... Hot spicy food, hot sun all the time--you get what I'm saying? I'm confuzzled.
I'm done wasting your life now.
Bye.
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